Ears to Hear

Today I was downtown Wenatchee walking along the railroad tracks and I came upon a nice looking old Mack tractor with a flatbed trailer behind it. Getting closer to the rig, I saw that a homeless person or people had built a shelter of sorts underneath. A mattress or two, a jumble of dirty clothes, cooking pots. I didn't want to intrude, so I kept walking.
Twenty feet away, I realized that I needed to go back. Go back and leave some money there. I grabbed a rock from the railroad ballast and a twenty out of my wallet and stooped down into the opening of the shelter. Nobody home. Amidst the beer cans and the other debris, I left that 20 under that rock.

And later today, I saw a family that I know was just returning from a cancer consult in Seattle. After battling it several years ago, her cancer has returned. I could feel the heaviness in the air.

"This time it looks particularly bad," she simply said, as if talking about tonight's weather forecast. "And chemo is no longer an option--only surgery."

So, this evening I'm thinking. Praying, actually, before my meal. "So, why, God, do I get to be golden boy with so much going for me and so many cool things happening in my life, and she, (my friend) has a very sucky day. And the homelss person a very sucky life?"

This wasn't a rhetorical question--I really wanted to know. I mean I raised the tower yesterday successfully. I get to go to London tomorrow for a week. I've never gone hungry. I have two incredible kids...the list could go on for pages.

So, I got the answer. Really. It was God talking to me. It's kinda hard for me to write this. Kind hard to share about this, but truly. God talked and I heard the whisper. Not out loud, not Charlton Heston's voice, but there, there back somewhere in my head or heart or somewhere.

"You got the life I gave you so you can help others." That's what God said.
And I think I get it more than I ever have before. It's not that I am supposed to be Mother Theresa. That was her job. My job is to be Martin. A rather peculiar guy who makes a difference in his own quirky way. Working as a counselor as I did for many, many years--certainly. Giving workshops to help other social workers and counselors develop good kid skills--of course. Inspiring Americorps members to be sin boldly--yep.

But also in other subtle ways, ways that don't allow one to draw a fat magic marker line from cause to effect. Ways that just are part of the big picture and God's incredible rich and funny and preposterous plan. Even tank towers, even 20 dollar bills under rocks for a homeless alcoholic who might just spend it on booze.